[She] that falls in love with [herself] will have no rivals
- Benjamin Franklin
If I were to ask you, “Do you love yourself?” What would you say? I’ll bet you’re reading this article because you’re curious, but you’d say you totally love yourself, right?
What do you say we test that declaration of love for just a minute? Ask yourself if any of these is true for you...
You Beat Yourself Up. Constantly!
You’ve been programmed to think that failure is not acceptable. You judge yourself harshly when you make mistakes, believing you “should know better.” You point out all your flaws and foibles before someone else has the chance.
You Don’t Celebrate (or You Downplay) Wins
Always pushing ahead full steam, you rarely take a beat to acknowledge how far you’ve come. You have a tough time receiving compliments or praise. When you’re called out for good work, you minimize it or give credit to someone else. Even if you acknowledge a job well done, you’re quick to point out what could have been better or what you’d do differently next time.
You Compare Yourself to Others Negatively
You see your peers going farther faster than you seem to be. Even when you experience success, you point to a colleague who seems to be doing better than you. It’s hard for you to celebrate another’s success because all you can think of is why you couldn’t achieve or experience the same.
You Don’t Set and Maintain Strong Boundaries
You’re working yourself to death. You rarely take breaks, you de-prioritize self care, you sacrifice sleep. You take your laptop on vacation - that is, if you even take vacation. You take on extra work without even attempting to negotiate. You accept non-promotable tasks to be seen as a team player. Even at home, you put everyone else first.
Bottom line: You're exhausted, and you have your share of days where you just don't know if it's worth it to keep pushing at this career thing.
Sister, you are not alone. Women often wear these forms of self mutilation as badges of honor. And it’s a total load of crap.
Look. I’m not here to beat you up about it (You do a fine enough job of that on your own!). It’s just that I’ve learned a thing or two about true self love. And one of those things is that we give lip service to self love, but our behaviors toward ourselves often tell a slightly (or maybe even radically) different story.
And it’s not your fault. From a tiny age, you’ve been taught to tamp down your true expression. To suppress your fire. Straighten up and fly right! Stop crying! Don’t be too proud! Don’t outshine your sister! Be nice! ...Do I need to go on?